I have always viewed relationships as that “thing” that connects us to our innate need to be embraced by love in our lives. I believed that it is our desire to have someone in our circle of life to inspire us, to adore us, to openly communicate and share in each other’s thoughts and emotions; you know
--- that ying/yang thing?
As I shared this with others, I got many conflicting views. Some snickered with, “Yeah, that is great in the first 6 months, but it fizzles out” to the head-bobbing, “Girl, get your head out of the clouds” to the crazy look of , “You’re too intimidating for anyone to be on your level in a relationship”. But guess what? I realized that contrary to what others may believe about relationships, this is how I defined it for me. Who said that I had to alter my definition of relationships based on other people’s views? However, in my quest to live in my beliefs, I had to reflect on what it was that has prevented me from being triumphant in my quest.
Needless to say, I have had MORE than my fair share of heartbreaks in my lifetime.
Matter of fact, in all of my relationships I have had some form of disappointing expectations crush my relationship vision because I believed that my partner(s) shared my relationship philosophy. My M.O. was to always “play full out” in giving what I had to share to affirm my love regardless of the challenges which in the end sacrificed my own time, energy, resources and --- MY HEART. When I didn’t receive it in return, it would put me in a state of unworthiness and believing that I was just incapable of unearthing any form of a loving, caring, meaningful relationship. That burning question (my gremlin) kept rearing its demoralizing head. “How is it that I’m not loveable?” After all, I was independent, successful (as I define success), talented in many areas of my life with an exploding, giving heart. Who wouldn’t see me as the “pearl in the oyster” in a relationship? Then I woke up! HELLO??? The AHA moment clobbered me over the head and, more importantly, in my heart.
5 Ways to Set Yourself Free from MATTERS of the HEART and believe that YOUR HEART MATTERS
It’s OK to Sit in It
When you feel like your heart is flipped inside out, you feel the pain in every part of your body, mind & spirit. THAT TOTALLY SUCKS, right!?! Trust me when I say that it’s absolutely normal to (momentarily) sit in your emotions. Many times we even run towards the “bounce back” interaction because we feel a sense of loneliness that temporarily fills the void, which in turn, only kicks up more emotional damage. (Be honest with yourself. I know you feel me on this one.)
As daunting as it may feel, it is vital to fully experience the heartbreak in order to understand and connect to what must happen for you to break free from the matters of your heart and strum the sounds of YOUR HEART MATTERS. Flip it! This is where the “oh woe is me” shift begins.
Get Mad About It
Congratulations! (Who would’ve thought that you would be celebrated for being pissed?) You’re feeling something different. You’ve moved past the pity party and you’re ANGRY about what happened. You’ve shifted into the next gear. You are hell on wheels in screaming to the world that you’re mad about it!
While anger can still present itself as a really unpleasant energy, it can be a productive space in helping you move forward in recognizing what you deserve for yourself in future relationships. This is a powerful place to be in breaking the cycle. However, I caution you. Acknowledge the heartbreak, however, don’t dwell in this space. Otherwise, this energy will become unproductive and eventually destructive.
Connect to Your Values
In discovering the relationship peace that I needed, I first had to get right with me! I had to ask my own tough questions. What was it that kept drawing me into these disastrous relationships? What new possibilities did I want to create for myself to break the cycle? There it was. Holy crap! I realized that I felt the need to have someone validate my existence through my love and care-giving soul.
In doing so, I settled with those that did not fully align with my values nor could they equally share in MY definition of “relationship”. WHOA! A mind-blowing discovery that opened my eyes (and heart) that it’s totally NOT true that I need someone to validate my WHO and what I bring to a relationship. I knew in the depths of my being that I am worthy of my own relationship definition.
So ask yourself, “What is my relationship with myself?” “What cluttering thoughts or emotions do I need to toss in the trash to move forward?” Loving YOU first and deeply relating to your values is the infinite link to creating your relationship reality.
State Your “I AM”!
Most of us feel with our eyes. Create a vision board that represents your ideal relationship. What pictures or words best identifies what you want in a relationship? Include your “I AM” statement in your vision board. This could be “I AM” beautiful, loveable, worthy, smart, loving, etc.
In addition to my own vision board, I have Post it Notes EVERYWHERE as daily reminders not to settle for anything less than the intentions I have shouted to the universe. This has synchronized the space for me to “just allow” love to happen in the shape or form I want it to show up for me. No pressure, no disappointments. Just peace.
My Heart Matters
Fully recognizing what I want in a relationship has also put me on a path of abundance. I refuse to settle in all areas of my life. I have released my own judgment and assumptions on past relationships. Failed relationships throughout my lifetime no longer define me nor serves a purpose in my life. Coming full circle in believing my worth, and what I have to offer in a relationship, is the ribbon that neatly ties the loving bow around my heart. I will love again. I am confident and at peace that the universe will show the perfect relationship to me because I have finally acknowledged that MY HEART MATTERS.
When you’re ready to turn on your beacon of love, contact me for a 45 minute FREE consultation to gain clarity around what is important to you in making YOUR HEART MATTER.